I'm happy, confident, successful... and insecure.

I don’t know the root of all of my insecurities, but here are some that I can identify so they will hopefully free you from some of yours.

  • Five years ago I got an auto-immune condition that makes every day painful. My throat thinks food is an invader. It literally hurts to eat food. Every day, every meal, every bite… it hurts.
  • Due to the physical pain of eating, that same condition caused extreme weight loss. Weight that I didn’t have to lose.
    • Depending on the month, and how hard it is to eat, I swing in weight from skinny to skinnier, and often look like I’m in chemo.
    • This has caused the fat in my face to die. Not metaphorically, literally.
    • I have pockets, scaring, and bags in my face because there is no fat. I’ve even tried fat grafts to fill it back in, just to go through the cost and pain to watch the fat die again months later.
    • It’s not a good look, and I have to look it in the eyes every day. It makes me sad, and it makes me scared.
  • Other than one time for a sibling’s wedding, I haven’t talked to my mom in four years. The last thing she said to me before hanging up and blocking my number was “because you’re a fuckin’ millionaire.”

*click*

All the accomplishments that you think a parent would be proud of are the words she chooses to use against me. I know it comes from her own insecurities, but it still stings.

Last week, Steve J Larsen shared a small moment with me that made a huge impact.

I didn’t know it, but one evening I walked out of the elevator where him and others were off to the side. The group paused for a moment and had nothing but kind things to say… about me. 😭

I’ve been fortunate to accomplish some cool things, speak, publish books, empower others, and have friends and clients that do even cooler things. Yet, I find myself feeling a little insecure sometimes, because everyone’s so “loud” while I’m a little more “quiet.”

… but I still really want to be included.

This whole story is ironic because the last few days welcomed my wife into this same pep talk I’m giving myself in this post.

She was nervous to join me in private conversations in fancy suites with accomplished friends last week.

“What can I add to the conversations?” She’d ask. “I don’t know business.”

I’d tell her, “Trust me. It’s not business.”

In a room full of collective legends, most conversations weren’t about success. It was crying. Fear. Doubts.

The most empowering moments are when you’re vulnerable. When you share that vulnerability and you’re heard, that’s when the shift happens.

I text Steve this morning, thanking him for last week’s moment that feels like an unfolding catalyst to greatness.

“Dude EVERYONE loves you. I’ve walked in to conversations about you of people saying how you’re such an example of service. The elevator was not the first time!”

Embrace who you are.

Every time I keep my head down, insecure or not, and stay focused on the prize… every time I end up getting where I set my eyes on. So I don’t know why I get so nervous about it.

More and more I find out the ones I aspire to impress, already are.